What’s the relationship between Limerence and self neglect?

Limerence and Self-Neglect: Understanding the Connection

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Limerence and self-neglect are often closely linked, but the relationship isn’t automatic or inevitable. It helps to think of limerence as an intense, involuntary fixation on another person, while self-neglect is a gradual turning away from one’s own needs. Here’s how they tend to interact:

How Limerence Can Lead to Self-Neglect

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1. Attention Shifts Outward

Limerence hijacks attention and emotional energy. When someone becomes the primary source of meaning, relief, or validation, one's own needs move to the background. This can manifest in various ways:

• Skipping meals, sleep, or exercise

• Ignoring health, work, or responsibilities

• Losing touch with hobbies or friendships

  
  

This isn’t laziness; it’s cognitive capture.

2. Self-Worth Becomes Externally Regulated

In limerence, self-esteem often rises and falls based on:

• The other person’s responses

• Perceived signs of interest or rejection

• Fantasies about being chosen

  
  

When self-worth depends on another person, self-care can feel pointless or undeserved, especially during perceived rejection.

3. Emotional Pain Crowds Out Self-Care

Limerence often includes anxiety, rumination, and longing. These states can:

• Drain motivation

• Disrupt sleep and appetite

• Reduce executive functioning

  
  

Self-neglect here is less a choice and more a stress response.

How Self-Neglect Can Intensify Limerence

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The relationship also runs in the opposite direction:

1. Limerence Fills the Void

When someone is already neglecting themselves—emotionally, socially, or physically—limerence can become:

• A source of excitement

• A sense of aliveness

• A substitute for unmet needs

  
  

The fixation grows stronger because it compensates for what’s missing elsewhere.

2. Fewer Internal Anchors

Self-care routines, goals, and identity provide psychological “weight.” Without them:

• Thoughts loop more easily

• Fantasies go unchallenged

• Emotional regulation weakens

  
  

This makes limerence harder to interrupt.

Not Everyone Who Experiences Limerence Self-Neglects

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It’s important to note that not everyone who experiences limerence self-neglects. Some individuals may experience limerence without major self-neglect. However, the risk is higher when there is:

• Low self-esteem

• Attachment insecurity (especially anxious attachment)

• Depression, burnout, or trauma

• Poor boundaries or people-pleasing tendencies

  
  

The Core Dynamic

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Limerence redirects care, attention, and regulation away from the self and toward another person—while self-neglect removes the internal supports that would otherwise limit limerence.

A Gentle Reframe

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Recovery doesn’t start with “stop thinking about them.” It begins with re-establishing care for oneself. Here are some gentle steps to consider:

• Regular sleep and meals

• Small, grounding routines

• Activities that reinforce identity outside the limerent object

  
  

As self-care returns, limerence often weakens naturally. It no longer has to carry so much emotional weight.

The Importance of Self-Care

Self-care is not just a buzzword; it’s a vital practice for emotional well-being. When individuals prioritise their own needs, they create a foundation for healthier relationships. This foundation allows for deeper connections without losing sight of oneself.

Building Healthy Boundaries

Establishing boundaries is essential in any relationship. It helps individuals maintain their sense of self while engaging with others. Healthy boundaries can prevent the overwhelming feelings of limerence from taking over. They act as a protective barrier, ensuring that emotional energy is not solely directed towards another person.

Seeking Professional Support

Sometimes, the journey to understanding limerence and self-neglect can feel overwhelming. Seeking professional support can provide valuable insights and tools. A therapist can help individuals navigate these complex emotions and develop strategies for self-care and healthy relationships.

Embracing Self-Discovery

Self-discovery is a powerful tool in overcoming limerence and self-neglect. Engaging in activities that foster personal growth can lead to a stronger sense of identity. This can include exploring new hobbies, pursuing education, or simply taking time for reflection.

The Path to Healing

Healing from limerence and self-neglect is a journey. It requires patience and compassion towards oneself. By focusing on self-care, setting boundaries, and seeking support, individuals can find a path to emotional balance. This balance allows for healthier relationships and a more fulfilling life.

In conclusion, understanding the interplay between limerence and self-neglect is crucial for emotional health. By recognising these patterns, individuals can take proactive steps towards healing. Embracing self-care, setting boundaries, and seeking support can lead to profound transformation. As one navigates this journey, they may discover a deeper connection to themselves and healthier relationships with others.