How do narcissists behave if you allow them back into your life?
Narcissistic Personality Disorder
When things get difficult or you are not in perfect agreement with someone with NPD, they will fall back to using their usual coping mechanisms—devaluing you and what you want, being uncooperative and mean, and turning small disagreements into big fights— because this is all they know how to do.
You can’t get blood from a stone. People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder lack normal interpersonal coping skills. When faced with a situation that they do not like, they fall back on their deeply ingrained Narcissistic strategies. This leads them to make even mild disagreements into rapidly escalating and abusive fights.
“Narcissists will continue to do whatever they did the last time once the courtship was over. If they abused you before, they will start abusing you again. If their abuse escalated during the time you were together, they will escalate their abuse of you again.”
NOTE: The term “Narcissist” is being used as shorthand for someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Why will they still abuse you, even though they begged to come back, and said everything would be different this time?
If you take a moment and think about the situation logically, you will understand that unless they have had extensive and very effective psychotherapy while you were apart, they could not really have changed. All that has happened is that they want you back in their life again and are willing to say anything to achieve their goal. They may have even convinced themselves that because they want you again, they will behave better.
The Reality:
People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are ill equipped for the give and take and mutual respect necessary to sustain satisfying intimate relationships. Everyday life can be very difficult with them, even when the two of you start off with the best of intentions.
Your Narcissistic partner may not intend to abuse you once they are back in your life again, but as they have not magically developed any new coping strategies or changed how they think, they are still:
Extremely self-centered
Unable to see the validity of anyone else’s point of view
Without emotional empathy
Using grandiosity and devaluing as their major defenses
Without a sense of proportion—everything they do not like becomes a huge deal
Unable to admit that they are ever wrong
Likely to blame you for everything that makes them uncomfortable
Unlikely to ever give in gracefully about anything
Unwilling to compromise
Controlling
Likely to suddenly get mad at you and behave badly
Escalating small disagreements into major battles
Do you have questions about narcissism?
Do you suspect that you have narcissistic issues and want to explore that?
Are you in a relationship with someone you think might be narcissistic?
Is this person a close relative (a parent) or a lover, an ex, or current romantic partner. partner?
Are you feeling abused by someone you love?
Are you just curious about narcissism without having a personal connection?
What type of fear do you have about asking questions about narcissism?
Are you afraid of being attacked?
Are you afraid you will not be understood?
Does asking questions about NPD make you feel too vulnerable?
Are you afraid of revealing too many private things?
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Ref. Dr E. Greenberg
